i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
