Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
