We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
