I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
