i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
