Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
