THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
