i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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