p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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