I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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