Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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