I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
