How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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