Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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