walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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