I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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