i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
