You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she looked like the before picture.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
