i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
