is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
