I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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