How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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