For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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