I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
