i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
