Define "chronic" masturbator.
are you so shy because you have an std?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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