His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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