I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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