Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
