she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Randomize