i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
