I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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