My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
