the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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