I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
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