so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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