Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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