Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
