I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
