I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize