Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize