Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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