I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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