My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
