Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize