yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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