You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
