Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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