you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
