"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
