Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
