3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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