I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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