Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
