I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize