It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
