You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
