Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
