don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
