he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
