More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
