i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
