he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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