Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Green mimosas i think yes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
