last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
