so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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