mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize