Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
