Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
