You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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