one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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