ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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