I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize