guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize