It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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