oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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