you didnt know i had herpes?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
