Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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