its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
