I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
