ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
