If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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