Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
