Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
