Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize