Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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