I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I CAN MOONWALK!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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