Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
