Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
bring money and cleavage
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
