My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
