Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
