I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
