i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
