Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize