8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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