nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
