Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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