the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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